Things I might have tweeted (March edition)

When a man says he wants a woman who supports his goals, he means emotionally. When a woman says she wants a man to support her goals, she means financially. 

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Opinions cannot be untrue. 

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Translation: decolonize = segregate 

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Translation: ðŸ¤« = the n-word

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The worst mistake in history was probably not made recently.

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Can anyone tell me the name of that dubstep song that goes “Doooo rheeeer buuuuhn ch-ch-ch-cha”? 

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Shouldn’t Australian websites start with ‘mmm’? 

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An honest oppressor would simply say, “Payback is a bitch.”

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If "science" were a politician, it'd have to be a Democrat, because not even Mitt Romney can flip-flop that much and get away with it.

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The opposite of science is conscience. You can only follow one. 

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One of these times, when you say, "cite your sources," the other idiot is going to unholster theirs.

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When a female celebrity says "body shaming" she really means "lookatmelookatmelookatme."

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Trump was the first president in living memory to deliver on his campaign promises. The people didn’t like it. They wanted to return to the old ways. They thought Biden, a career politician, would return to empty promises. Instead, he became the second president in living memory to...

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I’m going to tell my kids that this is what people are talking about when they say “stop the cap.”

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The solution is to expand the definition of equal outcome.

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There's an ancient but childish strain of thinking that never goes away which says, "If I just tear everything down, I can rebuild it with myself on top." Most of the time, reality beats this idea into submission, but occasionally, it takes hold among Very Smart People™.

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Dems pooh-pooh single issue voters only to keep the opposition from forming a coalition of single issue voters like their own.

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Democrats in 2008: "Healthcare is a basic right. Everyone should have equal access to it."

Democrats in 2021: "Except for those who need it more. They should be taxed extra." 

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When the hegemon professes concern over its own hegemony, the least you could do is be suspicious.

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Whoever invented eggs, that dude deserves a raise! 

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