Twits

Whosoever holds this lolly, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor. 

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Any label for any group that the group does not use itself is a slur. There are no self-described anti-intellectuals.

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♫ She's into social distance ... Livin' COVID-A Loca! ♫

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The notion of eliminating bias is overblown. Not in terms of possibility but of necessity. There are lots of things we could eliminate that simply aren’t worth the effort.

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Coronavirus Seems to Be Infecting and Killing More Men Than Women

While men are preoccupied with dying, women are left to pick up the slack. Women hardest hit.

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If time travel were possible, the probability of all other possible things would be 1. I think it's safe to say that time travel is not possible.

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It took three months for the press to uncover the documents that prove 'everyone' was talking about coronavirus in January. 

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We're not going to talk about how weird it is that a kid is playing with a cowboy doll in 1995?

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Which headline do you prefer?

A) Ingroup Did Bad Thing; Why That's Good

B) Outgroup Did Good Thing; Why That's Bad

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Tupperware lids and bowls are like opposing forces that repel each other.

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Democrats: "Every vote is sacred and must be counted!"

Also Democrats: "I almost forgot about this tub of ballots I thew in the back of my cousin's pickup for safekeeping."

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Sometimes, the basic lessons of life need to be re-learned the stupid way.

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We need to come together as Americans and screw those other Americans.

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The left hides their kooks by putting them in decent clothes and giving them a seat at the table. Political Pygmalion. 

Institutional trappings are powerful persuasion. How often is it asserted that there is no equivalent on the left to the right's "fringe"? (Fringe being defined as 2nd or 3rd tier networks--institutions in their own right.)

Meanwhile, on the mainstream networks, hairdos in suits echo the same words as Q, but direct them at Trump. "Any day now." "This time for sure." "The walls are closing in."

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I wonder how many towns had a honky-tonk named after "Guitars and Cadillacs"? 

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I like to think my ancestors crossed a mountain range and forded two rivers, then quit as soon as they heard there were more mountains.

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I have never worn a band T-shirt.

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The “lost February” hoax is as wrong as it is maddening.


I don't provide sources because I included events, actors, and dates. More than enough for any curious googler to verify.

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Cut it with the critical theory crap. Things don’t mean what the critic can twist them into. Any 14 year old can “look at it a certain way.” It’s time to grow up.

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The United States and all 50 states having declared states of emergency. COVID-19 is probably the most legitimate invocation of the Defense Production Act in its history.

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I'm no fan of the ways in which the commerce clause is abused, but when it comes to actual commerce, I support it.

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If southern states made any pacts similar to the Northeast pact or the Western States pact, they'd be accused of inching toward secession.

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The question of "what is this worth?" is inherently unanswerable unless one can also answer "to whom?"  If a baker has a hammer and a carpenter has a bag of flour, both items increase in worth the moment they are traded.

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Trump⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Cuomo
{\__/}⠀⠀Gibes us {\__/}
( •⌓•᷅)  bentilators! (`o´ )
/ > ⚙️⠀We dying! < < \

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀{\__/}
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀(• . • )
⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⚙️< \

Cuomo⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀MI/MD
{\__/}⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ {\__/}
( • ᴗ•)⠀I got this (• . • )
/ > ⚙️⠀for you  < < \

~~~

Imagine the disaster for the Dems if the virus spread to the dead voters.

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COVID affects mainly old people and dense urban areas. Our country is run mainly by old people from dense urban areas.

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No one is being forced to give haircuts. However, licensed barbers, stylists, etc. are PROHIBITED from rendering their services in ANY setting under threat of having their licenses revoked. 

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The press wanted an adult in the room. They never expected to get scolded.

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Chi-Chi's went out of business over foodborne illness.

Jack in the Box nearly suffered the same fate and its reputation remains tainted.

Chipotle poisons it's customers bi-annually but they get a pass because they're woke and green and sustainable or some shit.

(The only foodborne illness at McDonald's was in their salads. There's a lesson for us all in that.)

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Instead of starting with “you can’t understand,” try “I want you to understand.”

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"It could be a game changer or maybe not," is easily my favorite Trumpism.

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1. Democrats accuse Republicans of things they do themselves.

2. Democrats accuse Republicans of letting Americans to die to hold onto power.

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Everyone wants to be punk, but like Green Day punk.

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I've got a craving, but I'm not sure what for. Do I want crab legs or an English muffin? Oh, wait, I think I just want butter.

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Coronavirus is so serious that we can only get food through drive up windows, putting the health of the nation in the hands of underpaid teenagers.

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We elect politicians to have on our behalf the petty arguments we don't have time for. Which means (1) they shouldn't always agree (2) it will get silly.

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Everyone is all like, “Poor Superman. His entire planet blew up.” C’mon! He was a frickin’ baby! That’s like being born in 1937 and saying you grew up during the Great Depression.

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Can somebody tell me what happened to all the experts that normally browbeat the public for overestimating statistically rare events?

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If there are only two words in quotes, it’s not really a quote. 

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Did anybody else see a line of lights overhead going due east? - Apr 27, 2020

(This turned out to be Elon Musk's satellites.) 

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How dare you suggest the thing we're all hiding in our homes from is scary!

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♫ The memester and the GIFsman should be friends ♫

♫ Oh, the memester and the GIFsman should be friends ♫

♫ The GIFsman likes to post a lot, the memester likes to photoshop ♫

♫ But that's no reason why they can't be friends ♫

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