Random twitterness

A conundrum for the modern world: You can't get a decent Coke out of a Freestyle machine. And yet, you can't get a Raspberry Coke anywhere else.

I like to imagine that there is some perfect version of Raspberry Coke that comes in a can somewhere. Portland, probably. Because that would be my luck.

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"We just need common sense gun reforms."
"Okay. Describe that to me."
"You know, common sense reforms. Just, reasonable regulations. Things everyone can agree on!"

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Hot Take: The milk scene in THE LAST JEDI works because Hamill punctuates it with a "f*ck you" face. He's not just sneering at Rey, he's sneering at the audience, daring the critics.

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I don't get leftist memes.

"Here is a picture of Trump as a baby. That means Trump is a baby! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Fcuk Drumpf!"

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Then: Jazz is corrupting the youth!
Now: My granddad listens to jazz.

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I dropped a breath mint on my foot. Tic Tac Toe.

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I’m less worried about the robots and more worried about the people who saw The Terminator and thought “That’s what I want to do when I grow up!”

Which in turn makes me worried about the robots.

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It’s astounding how many laws Democrats are willing to break in hopes of proving that a Republican broke just one.

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NeverTrump would rather lose like Romney than win like Trump.

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My skin has three settings:
⬜️ pale
⬜️ burnt
🔳 molting

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I had a dream that I saw Deadpool 2 and Deadpool wasn’t in it. Which would totally be a Deadpool thing to do.

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The American left uses South American politics to advance British policies with the promise of Scandinavian outcomes.

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TFW you’d rather let the hipster petitioner think you’re a felon than sign his clipboard.

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"Your great-great grandfather was a chimney sweep? My great-great grandfather was a chimney sweep too! We should call ourselves brothers and do, think, and say everything alike!"

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